Tribulation

Good afternoon, Mrs. Layton Is it? Pardon? Oh sir, I hear you, yes, I hear you, and normally I would agree, it is a good afternoon But not this afternoon, not with the state of our town today Oh, we've got tribulation, my good sir We've got tribulation in Schmigadoon Look down there, do you see what I see? Peanut shells in the street Lying there like passed-out drunks in the gutter Turning town square into the floor of a saloon The home of loose women and hooch-happy sinners A petting pantry in the middle of the street Is that what our town's become? Is that the future we want for our children? I'm telling you, things have changed ever since those two outsiders waltzed in With their big city ways and their newfangled ideas Promiscuity and depravity Interlopers interloping with hearts Colder than the hinges of hell First the two of them arrived unmarried Brimming with lust, wanting to share a bed Then a brazen display at the basket auction And now the Mayor's out proclaiming his perversions At the root of it all two strangers who've never cracked a Bible in their life And that's gonna lead to tribulation and strife Now I've got nothing against outsiders Provided they're the right kind of people Kind of folks who look and talk and act like us Peas in a pod and birds of a feather Not loud-mouthed trash with their tommyrot and flapdoodle Claptrap, fiddle-faddle, jiggery-pokery Stirring up the cream while you're waiting for it to settle like Vermin in the root cellar, flies in the buttermilk And they're influencing There, I said it, they're influencing your children Like an earwig crawling from their ear to their brain And soon your youngins'll be neglecting chores Milk going sour unstrained in the springhouse Backtalk at dinner, no time for the good book Ragtime blaring on the Victrola And that's just the beginning, folks Soon you won't even, no, you won't, no, you won't even recognize your own town I'm talking about neon signs, smoke-filled rooms Billiard parlors and painted ladies Wanton women having children out of wedlock Rowdy men using filthy language The devil himself dancing on the front porch Stealing your babies from their cribs at midnight Cows and sheep having amorous congress Children with the mark of the beast on their foreheads All thanks to these two out-of-towners Dr. Skinner and Miss Gimble Better hold on to your husband Best keep an eye on your wife 'Cause there's gonna be some tribulation and strife Oh, we've got strife Got strife And tribulation Tribulation! And not to mention, improvisation That sounds bad Let's pray the Lord will save us soon Pray the Lord, save us soon 'Cause we've got strife and tribulation in Schmigadoon Strife, strife!, strife, strife Strife, strife!, strife, strife Hey! Now, I love this town, I do, it was my own great-great-granddaddy who founded Schmigadoon He came upon this beautiful tract of land and said, "They'll never find us here" But it pains me, yes, it pains me, to see my town turning into something it was never meant to be New leadership, that's what Schmigadoon needs. But who? Who has the moral where-with-all, the traditional how-to The good old-fashioned all-American je ne sais quoi to stand up to these outsiders? Mildred Layton for Mayor Oh no, I couldn't Mildred Layton for Mayor Oh no, I shouldn't Mildred Layton for Mayor Okay, I'll do it It's time to vote To vote And vote for Layton Vote for Layton She is the only one who'll save our town from Satan Save us now Let's hope that she will save us soon Hope that she, save us soon 'Cause we've got strife and tribulation Strife and tribulation Grief and consternation Grief and consternation Strife and tribulation in Schmigadoon