There! Right There!

There, right there! Look at that tan, well-tended skin Look at the killer shape he's in Look at that slightly stubbly chin Oh please, he's gay, totally gay! I'm not about to celebrate Every trait could indicate A totally straight expatriate This guy's not gay, I say not gay That is the elephant in the room Well, is it relevant to assume That a man who wears perfume Is automatically, radically fey? But look at his coiffed and crispy locks Look at his silk translucent socks There's the eternal paradox Look what we're seein' What are we seein'? Is he gay? (Of course he's gay!) Or European? Oh Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? Well, hey, don't look at me! You see, they bring their boys up different In those charming foreign ports They play peculiar sports In shiny shirts and tiny shorts Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks They both say things like, "Ciao bella" While they kiss you on both cheeks (Oh, please) Gay or European? So many shades of gray Depending on the time of day The French go either way Is he gay or European, or— There, right there! Look at that condescending smirk Seen it on every guy at work That is a metro, hetero jerk That guy's not gay, I say no way! That is the elephant in the room Well, is it relevant to presume That a hottie in that costume Is automatically, radically Ironically, chronically Certainly, flirtingly Genetically, medically Gay, officially gay? Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay Damn it! Gay or European? So stylish and relaxed Is he gay or European? I think his chest is waxed But they bring their boys up different there It's culturally diverse It's not a fashion curse If he wears a kilt or bears a purse Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code Yeah, his accent is hypnotic But his shoes are pointy-toed (Huh) Gay or European? So many shades of gray But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro— Wait a minute Give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I'd like to try The floor is yours So, Mr. Argitakos This alleged affair with Mrs. Wyndham has been going on for? Two years And your first name again is? Nikos And your boyfriend's name is? Carlos I-I, sorry! I misunderstand! You say "boyfriend" I thought you say "best friend" Carlos is my best friend You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it I no cover for you no more! Peoples I have a big announcement! This man is gay and European (woah!) And neither is disgrace (oh) You gotta stop your bein' A completely closet case (d'oh!) It's me, not her he's seein' No matter what he say I swear he never, ever, ever Swing the other way You are so gay, you big parfait You flaming one-man cabaret I'm straight! You were not yesterday So if I may, I'm proud to say He's gay (and European!) He's gay (and European!) He's gay (and European and gay!) Fine, okay, I'm gay! Hooray!