Selfish

What if I'm selfish? What if I'm the reason behind it? What if I'm overprotected with family because of how mine is? What if I'm jealous? Maybe that's just making me nervous What if my effort of pulling you closer, pushing you further What if I'm selfish? What if the reason they call me the greatest Is also the reason that me and you living on different pages What if I'm too much? What if I settled and I didn't fight? What if my fear of doing it wrong's the reason I haven't been doing it right? What if I'm selfish? What if the kids just wanna be kids And don't wanna live in and out of the news And chill and don't even wanna be rich And what if I'm so self-centered That I don't even realize what I could miss And what if I'm What if I falling in the abyss Maybe it Maybe it thought, maybe it day Maybe it too many nights in LA Look at the house it sorry and still All of the feelings we hit in the hills Maybe it's you, maybe it's me Maybe the media or the provoking Gave you my heart, I laid it bare Funny you went and you poked it Why if it's better with me out of way? Why if it's better with me out of Like why if it's better with me out of way? Why if I'm poison, why if I'm cancer Why if I'm dangerous and I'm wild Look in my eyes and see it in a child What if he's broken, what if he's scared What if he's ostracized and vilified See peace is just an illusion Ain't got a home, I live in confusion Why if I'm selfish? Forever, forever, forever I manage the symptoms forever You can love how you want I know to give is no love But can you settle for a second? Let go of your idea of heaven I know it's a love But it might be all that I got I wanna throw myself in Snap off the mask I wanna clone that sin And a love that lasts I wanna escape the way Go with you to the carriage I wanna give you my life Or at least something to try But what if I'm still I've done a lot of things I regret Like announcing I'll split on a text Don't know why but I still buy gifts for my ex Watching her stories to see if she checks I'm a mess, I don't know if my head's in a game She told me, don't mention her name I'm suggesting the same, I'ma get through the pain When I see the sunshine, gotta get through the rain Back full of trauma I left on the train I'm ashamed for the days that I said that I changed I'm a cheat, sat in a therapist chair crying like a baby In the middle of a Harley Street Like I'm fighting a sickness that I can't beat I'm this low, and then I go mad Reflection telling me I'm just like my dad And this white woman telling me it ain so bad Middle of my sentence she cut me off like Sorry David we don have any more time The appointment till 4 And it 3 bro I feel like she wouldn even care If I die man I try to do this therapy shit Man, I try to do this therapy shit Bro, I know, wouldn't even say I'm depressed But I'm low in the grove, in the casino, on the edge where I rode I've got too many sins to atone And a voice in my head, like, at this point, like At this point, bro, you should've been rich, like At this point, bro, you should've had kids, like At this point, should've built you a life, like Look around you, don't you feel you're behind, like Look around you, don't you feel you're behind, like Look around you, don't you feel like, black? What if I never find love? Don't know if it's scarier, the four of us two together Or being alone, I'm so used to being alone What if I'm somebody nobody wants? What if I'm damaged or what if I waited too long And I'm old on me? What if I'm cold on me? What if I cut off the hand that I hold on me? What if I'm rapidly spiraling, tired and jaded Or what if I'm faded or what if anxiety's growing inside me That I might have left all my besties behind me Or what if I'm scared as I touch 27 That you don't appear in my idea of heaven Or what if I'm, what if I'm, what if I'm selfish?